To be honest, I haven't posted a blog for awhile because this is how I've felt. Overwhelmed and under qualified. Everyday my head is spinning with inspiration, making me feel like I'm literally going to explode with words begging to come out. Yet when I'd be greeted with the blinking cursor on a crisp white page, I'd freeze. "How can I write about motherhood when I'm drowning in it?"
As I'd stare at the screen, the enemy would spew lies at me. After multiple days of this ritual, the lies were starting to sink in. "Your 5 year old is acting out because of a decision you made. Your 4 year old has anxiety because you were selfish and only focused on your own post baby health. Your 1 year old is into everything because you don't discipline him enough." The list goes on. My mind would quickly unravel into a mess of anxiety, making me feel totally overwhelmed and under qualified.
During my quiet times with the Lord in the mornings, I would lay out my feelings. "Lord, you've given me this passion to write and a burning desire to encourage moms during this season. Your hand has guided me to this place. You have given me gifts to give to other moms, but I'm literally feeling like the most overwhelmed and under qualified person there is!" I tried to let it go and quit with the daydreaming of influencing women in motherhood.
The journey I was about to embark on was one I thought needed to be walked through alone, but after conversations with multiple moms, it was clear that our journeys are meant to be shared to strengthen one another. The Lord impressed on me that the feelings I was walking through were exactly why He's brought me here. He's given me these experiences that turn into passion so other moms can be supported in the trenches of motherhood. My goal in sharing this is for you to know you are not alone and ultimately point you to our loving Father.
With gentleness, He then corrected me.
This gentle correction needs to be relayed to you:
It's ok to feel overwhelmed, but it is NOT ok to feel under qualified!! That is a lie straight from the enemy. The Lord has chosen YOU to be the mother of your children. He has chosen YOU for this beautiful chaos we call life. There is NO ONE more qualified to be your child's mother, than YOU!!
You need to believe this today. You need to let this sink into your soul before you click off this page. Because as soon as you do, the world will be right there in your face telling you what you need to do, or what you need to say, or what you need to wear to be more qualified. But do you want to know something awesome?! You are who the Word says you are, not who the world says you are! I find great peace in that and I pray you do as well.
Unfortunately the lies from the enemy and the mind games don't stop. However, they do become easier to fight! One habit I have formed recently has been highly fruitful when it comes to fighting the lies of the enemy and the qualifications of the world. I noticed I was spending a few minutes on my phone in the morning while eating breakfast doing the usual notification checking before I dove into my Bible. What I didn't notice though, is I was allowing other people to lay out my day and sadly letting them decide how I was going to start my day feeling.
I'd check my email and see a bill, which in turn made me immediately start thinking about our finances and budgeting. I'd see a red icon reminding me of the text messages I forgot to respond to the previous day, making me feel overwhelmed and behind before the day even starts! Then a quick 30 second scroll on Instagram would leave me feeling completely under qualified in literally every area of my life. I would open my Bible and pursue a quiet time with the Lord before my boys would wake up, but I just couldn't settle my mind. One evening I told my husband, "I'm tired of starting the day running and STILL running out of time!" So I stopped hitting the ground running.
I formed a new habit. I still get up at the same time, which is generally 1.5-2 hours before my kids. Before I check any notification on my phone, I jump into the Word.... whatever it might look like that day. I provide myself with sincere quiet time, solely focusing on my spiritual growth. So now, instead of allowing the world to dictate my emotions for the day ahead, I allow the Lord too. I ask Him to align my heart with his. He never fails. Sometimes I do, but he doesn't.
Maybe your definition of being overwhelmed isn't the same as mine and maybe your level of qualification isn't the same as mine, but I know you fight it too. I encourage you to provide yourself some alone time first thing in the mornings to focus totally on the Lord and the agenda He has for your day. I can speak from experience and say you will be able to have a few moments where you aren't overwhelmed, but even better, you will be set up to live a journey of motherhood that you and only you are qualified for.
Cheers to being overwhelmed in motherhood and cheers to being the most qualified human to be a mom of your babies!
Sending my love and prayers.